she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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