I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
Randomize
