Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
