They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Randomize
