the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
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