He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
I haven't been this sober since birth.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
