bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
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