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this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Randomize
