Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
