Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
