I miss vodka workout Fridays
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
