Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
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