There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
