history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
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