Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
