Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
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