$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Randomize
