Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Randomize
