You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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