DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
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