I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Randomize
