Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
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