And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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