I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
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