i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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