hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Randomize
