I hate your face
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
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