THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
