Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Randomize
