OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
They are going to name an STD after you.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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