i was born a porn star she said
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
Randomize
