God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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