Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
