it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Randomize
