at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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