Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
I just blew my weed a kiss
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Randomize
