Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Randomize
