i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
