When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
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