Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Randomize
