Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize