YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
