even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
