Your dad touched me again.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
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