Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
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