Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Randomize
