What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
