That's intense
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
