remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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