When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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