Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
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