when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
that's an acceptable place to lick
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
Randomize
