Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
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