She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Randomize
