So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
you would pick up someone in the library
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Randomize
