i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
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