i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Randomize
