I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Randomize
