I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Randomize
