I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
