im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Randomize
