from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
I cut my penus on the lid.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
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