mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Randomize
