Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Randomize
