would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
I wear drunk well.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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