I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Randomize
