They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Randomize
