he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Randomize
