i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
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