dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
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