I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Randomize
