I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
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