You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
you will always have a special place in my vag
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
