I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
