Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
