So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
I am midnight drunk by noon
There was a lot of him and a little penis
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
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