TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
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