Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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