She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
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