This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
