we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Randomize
