i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Randomize
