Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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