I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
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