my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
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