i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
