this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
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