i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
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